For years we have peered into the lives and worlds of comic strips, but haven’t you ever wondered what they would think if they had the opportunity to look deep into our world? Well, here’s your chance. ArDuffle is an interactive comic providing you with answers to life’s deepest questions. “Should I ask out a girl far above my station?” “Should I switch jobs and do something I love for less money?” “If I fart in a crowded car and keep looking out the window like nothing happened, can I keep it a mystery?” No question is too deep or profound, all you have to do is ask using the form on the right.
You’ll see from the bios below that ArDuffle is not a real therapist or counselor, he just plays one in real life. So you’re probably better off not actually following his advice thinking it is going to be helpful. Follow his advice at your own risk. He’s better viewed for what he is, a small, funny, strange little creature with the insight of a gag fortune cookie.
So, after all the hype you are probably at the edge of your seat waiting to find out more about this intellectual giant. Well, we don’t mean to disappoint you, but you were bound to find out eventually. Here’s a little more about the crazy little alien you’re subjecting yourself to:
Age: Pretty sure he’s around 4, but in Earth years it would be 29 (7.25 Earth years per Dorfus year)
Birthorder: The youngest of 364 ½ children (yes his family is the one you always see in the statistics)
Birthplace: The Endorf Colonies
Aspirations: To lower the bar on the status quo
Occupation: Stunt double for intergalactic action hero (that’s why the masculine physique)
Hobbies: Underwater basket weaving (it’s not just an advanced elective any more)
Intellect: Has been known to outwit silly putty at a moments notice but still wrestles with the concept of a spork (is it a fork or a spoon?)
Personality: Being the youngest, ArDuffle tends to be a little sarcastic and can get a tad egregious at times, but mostly harmless. He has a pretty high opinion of himself, but that’s why he feels so qualified to dole out advice to unsuspecting questioners, even though it is painfully apparent that he is not qualified by any stretch of the imagination. Which is why his advice should be taken with a grain of salt, it tastes good, and is good at the time, but at the end of the day it has no redeeming value whatsoever.
I think we all know that ArDuffle didn’t draw himself, there is actually a person to blame for this. It’s probably what you’re actually on this page looking for, so here goes:
Joshua Swanagon (the true brains of the operation)
Age: Born in 1972 when people thought that corduroy bell bottoms and disco were a good idea
Birthorder: The youngest only middle oldest child of 6 (it’s a long story but very true)
Aspirations: To bring about the institution of a mandatory daily nap time. Kindergarten had it right.
Occupation: Airbag tester
Hobbies: Mostly healing and training gummy worms
Intellect: Does understand the concept of the spork, but that’s not saying much considering it comes in plastic form with just about every fast food meal that requires utensils. While never going into too much detail, he boasts a three digit IQ (the minus sign is considered a digit right?), and enjoys the finer, “upscale” things in life; umbrellas in his drink, chili mixed in with his mac and cheese, and sauce-less boneless hot wings (sauce is for slobs and bones are too much work).
Personality: Loves to see people entertained, and in that spirit is currently working on his new act with his trained gummy worms “Synchronized Necrosis”. Technically, they play dead in unison. He will be taking his act on the road in the near future, so look for it in your town. He is hoping to retire off of this, this is his big ticket out of here. People are going to come out in droves, why, he’s expecting tens of people in the first year alone.
Come one, come all, prepare yourselves to be mystified, horrified, stupified, and disgustified by the spectacle of Joshua Swanagon and his Gummies, as they enthrall you with their tantalizing Dance Of Death.
By mystified, horrified, stupified, and disgustified we really mean mildly amuzed, potentially bewildered.
By “tantalizing Dance Of Death” we really mean they play dead.
Due to the nature of this act, being a performance that you cannot unsee, there will be no refunds issued after witnessing “the spectacle” so don’t ask.
Void where prohibited by law, common sense and better judgment.
Joshua and his Gummies made an appearance at the 2011 Flint ComixCon and were a huge hit.
Here is a preview of the act. We pulled out the first string for this debut performance. The understudies were on standby…until we got hungry…then we ate them.
Secret Strategy Meeting Between Joshua and ArDuffle Exposed
In the lobby of a nondescript hotel sat a lonely figure blending into the crowd, nobody would have any idea who this stranger was if not for the arrival of an alien who needed no introduction, ArDuffle. When the two came together as if they knew each other it suddenly became clear that this unknown figure must have been Joshua Swanagon, ArDuffle’s Earthly partner. Said Joshua in a later interview “It was obvious that what we have was meant to be. The thing that impressed me about our meeting is that it was clear that he was as excited to see me as I was to see him.” When we finally caught up to ArDuffle and asked him about his impressions of Joshua he had this to say, “who?”
Whatever the state of their relationship we can all be glad that they are working together to bring us the answers to life’s toughest questions. I end this article with the intentions to send some of my questions to ArDuffle, and recommend you do the same.
Here are some things that others are saying about ArDuffle:
Yaba Daba Dee Bee Daba. Ibi-da. Tenk you veddy much.
- Andy Kaufman
I’ve known ArDuffle for a long time now. He’s a real stand up cat. Uh huh, uh huh.
Who? ArDuffle?! You better believe he’s got all the answers. He even knows where the bodies are hidden.
- Jimmy Hoffa
He was my go to guy. You axe him your question and badda bing, badda boom, he’s givin’ out answers right and left over here.
- In a letter found in Al Capone’s Vault, the intended recipient is unknown, but some believe it was from a secret correspondence with Eliot Ness
He’s no Howard Hughes, and is a little rough around the edges, but he is a true gentleman.
- Amelia Earhart
We weren’t sure where we were, but we came across a life form of a greenish color, teardrop in shape with big floppy feet. He introduced himself as and seemed very helpful. Sergeant began to question him and without missing a beat he provided an answer for every question. He then took us to where we and which lead us to . And then we found ourselved back home.
- Exerpt from briefing of Captain of the USS Eldridge, Philadelphia Experiment files