I think that if I had a time machine I would be compelled to go back to the 70′s and put a stop to the invention of corduroy bell bottoms. I am still not quite sure what anybody was thinking with those. Have they never heard of friction fires?! I was a kid and I even knew better. I remember the brown pair that my mother used to make me wear, I hated them with extreme prejudice. Zzzztt! Zzzztt! Zzzztt! Zzzztt! I couldn’t walk anywhere without announcing it. It severely hampered my budding ninja skills, and I was none to happy about it. I knew that if I were to destroy them purposefully I would be in big trouble. So I took up running, figuring that maybe what was needed to get a good friction fire going was more speed. It didn’t work. But I did end up becoming a steady runner and had some great years running in track and other running events.

Of course truth be known, even though years had passed and the brown corduroy bell bottoms were a distant memory, I suppose the thing that kept me going the fastest was trying get farther and farther away from them. I was doing pretty good until the 90′s when there was talk of bringing that nightmare back. Fortunately that new fad died before it ever got off the ground. I don’t think I could survive another pair of corduroy bell bottoms.