I don’t think anybody can argue with the physics of toast always landing butter side down, but why in the world does it have to happen every single time?! It seems like buttered toast is the only food that exempts itself from the 5 second rule, because when it lands butter side down it immediately picks up whatever dirt and other junk it landed on. So, after many years of pondering and scientific research I have finally discovered the truth behind this diabolical mystery. Bread hates us. It’s so simple I’m not sure why I never thought of it before. But the real questions is: does bread hate us so much that it can pull a cat off it’s axis and make it land on it’s back if it were strapped to it? Two phenomenons of nature working against each other in an epic battle of will. I’m not even sure that testing this would be safe, it may unravel all we know about physics, and time and space itself could collapse under the weight of these two titans going head to head to see who fulfills their true nature. Breads hatred vs. cats indomitable balance.

On second thought, I think I’ll just skip the toast with my breakfast. It’s a little more than I bargained for, I just wanted some eggs not a cosmic struggle.